Emily's Big Mouth
by oliviahotchner
Summary: She didn't mean to say it out loud. It was just a little slip. But honestly, Emily's sick of seeing such a great man beating himself because of a woman who didn't deserve him. Post-Foyet.


**A/N: So, I was watching 12x03 and the way Emily put both her feet in her mouth in her first meeting with Alves, and this just popped into my head. I said before, I have nothing against Haley, I just hate the way she treated Hotch, I think it was unfair and a big betrayal, like literally. So, this was some kind of catharsis for me. I hope you guys like it.**

 **Again, like I said in UT, on December 26th I'm making a whole year here in FF and I want to give you guys a month of gifts. So, I'm receiving prompts, things you guys'd like for me to write about, and I'll select those who bring me the best ideas to work on it. Feel free to send reviews or PMs. Thank you everyone who already sent it. You guys are really awesome I'm working on it. :)**

EMILY'S BIG MOUTH

The silence was deafening as the six pair of eyes stared at her.

Emily closed her eyes and groaned inwardly at the stupidity she had just committed. Had she really said that out loud? The team was having one of their monthly dinner together, this time at Rossi's house. After Hotch was attacked and especially after Haley's death, the seven of them made sure to get together at least once, every month, to enjoy each other's company out of the horror of cases and the stress of the office, paperwork or anything even remotely related with the job.

Sometime, way after the second bottle of wine had been opened, the topic of relationships was started, with the rest of them bugging JJ about the reasons why she hadn't yet accepted Will's proposal, even though they were happily together, without a single plan of parting ways, and little Henry had just turned to two years old. The blonde was trying to dodge the subject, deflecting to Emily's lack of romantic life or Garcia's break-up with Kevin because of the same commitment issues.

In the middle of that, someone brought up Rossi's disability of speaking about the topic, due to his inability of staying married. The team had laughed, of course, and then Rossi had pointed a finger to Hotch, jokingly accusing him of being on the same both, since he had too a paper saying that he sucked in relationships.

That was when Emily opened her big mouth.

Seriously, who says something like that about their boss late ex-wife?

Emily did. Loud and clear, for everyone to hear, thanks to her favorite Sauvignon.

"I'm sorry?" Hotch said with an incredulous look and this time Emily visibly winced apologetically and looked at her blonde friend who was sitting at her side.

"Did I really say that out loud?" She whispered and JJ nodded, patting her back sympathetically.

Emily looked at the brunette man sitting at the armchair right in front of her and sighed. "I'm really sorry, that was… I didn't mean to say that…" She tried to deflect but he was a better profiler than that, of course.

"You didn't mean to say it _out_ _loud_ , right?" He said, looking at her knowingly and she closed her eyes with a resigned sigh. "Why would you say that? It's not news that my marriage ended because I was never at home and she wanted _and_ deserved more than that…" He said and there was such sincerity in his voice that she couldn't help but groan indignantly.

"God, she really did a number on you, didn't she?" She said and suddenly she wasn't that apologetic about what she had said about the late woman.

As soon as Rossi finished his comment Emily had snorted and stated something she had always thought, ever since the team found out about Hotch's divorce. "That was just because Haley was stupid." She really hadn't meant to say it out loud, it had just slipped, blame the alcohol. But now that she had said and had the confirmations, coming straight from the man's lips, that he really had taken all the blame from the end of the sixteen-year marriage, she wasn't that sorry at all.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked, truly confused, and Emily looked at him, pondering for a few moments.

"Do you really want me to say what I think?" She asked. She shouldn't. She really shouldn't. You don't insult the memory of your boss's wife like that, especially when she's the mother of his only son _and_ his high school sweetheart. It's like asking to be transferred to Alaska or being buried so deep into paperwork that you won't see the sunlight for two months. But the man was so blind at the way things really worked and so deeply damaged by a manipulative woman who had made him only see the worse of himself.

"Please… explain what you mean…" He said and she sighed before nodding.

"I think Haley was selfish." She said bluntly. "She married you when you were finishing your law school, planning on starting your career as a respectful prosecutor. The Bureau had probably never got into your plans back then and for her, she was going to marry a very successful and handsome man, who was completely in love and devoted to her, and she would have the perfect life, the big house with the huge backyard, the swing on the tree, two point five kids, the white fence and the dog, all the damn thing. It was everything she'd always dreamt for and on top of that, she had one of the good guys, one who would always be there for her, would never raise his voice, let alone his hand to her, would always protect her and take care of her. I mean, she had the perfect happy ending of a fairy tale in her future, so what could possibly go wrong?" She asked rhetorically.

"Real life." Rossi said and she nodded quickly, pointing at him.

"Exactly!" She said. "You started your job and for a while, everything was exactly how you planned, what you had wished for. But then, you started to see how wrong things were, how big the stack of files on your desk was and how bigger it got each day. You started to see the many mistakes that were made before the file got into your table, increasing the number of victims, the cases getting more gruesome and it made you think, what can I do to change that? It made you feel useless, powerless, because you couldn't do anything to stop those monsters before they made into their victims. That was when you started to think of yourself… you started to understand what was your call in this world, what were you supposed to do. You developed your need to help people, because no one else was doing it and you had the ability and the desire of doing it, so why not? You applied for the Bureau, got into Swat and started your way into the life you've always wanted for you, even when you'd never even think about it." She said.

The room was silent, all eyes focused on her, in her words, but she paid no attention, her whole focus on the pair of hazel eyes staring at her intently.

"When you found the BAU, the first thing in your head was, finally, I'm going to do something useful for those people, I'm going to stop those monsters while it's time, I'm going to make the world a better place. And unlike what most people may have thought, it wasn't because of a huge case of hero complex. It wasn't because you wanted to be recognized, or because you needed to be on the spotlight. It was because it gave you satisfaction to help those people. It was because it made you feel happy, knowing that someone was able to go back to their family because you helped them. You started doing this job for all the good reasons, and that's what made you good at it and made you get where you are now." She said pointing a finger at him. "And while you were finally having the satisfaction you've always wanted at work, Haley started to see that things wouldn't be the way she thought they'd be at home. She started to see that she wasn't the only thing that mattered in your life anymore and that you wouldn't be the prestigious lawyer, prosecutor or even judge she thought you'd be. Your plans started to mess up with her plans and that was when things started to get ugly…"

Hotch adverted his eyes for a brief second and Emily took it as a sign that she had hit straight at the point.

"When she noticed that you didn't have plans on leaving the job you loved, she trying to catch your full attention back, inserting an important variable of her plans." She said and he raised an eyebrow. "Jack." She finished and he opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off. "You two started trying because she convinced you that you were stabilized enough for that and it was the right time. And when she finally got pregnant, your eyes were fixed on her, she was again your whole world and even though the job still made you work crazy hours, you made everything you could and couldn't to be there, anytime she needed, to every crazy craving, every appointment, every single detail she wanted to plan…" She said. "Then Jack was born and you were there, the dedicated father, the partner, helping her through everything. But instead of what she thought, Jack didn't make you less interested in your job. Much the opposite, he gave you another reason to keep hunting those monsters, keep chasing the bad guys, because now you had your own son to protect, you had a reason to made this world a better place to live…"

Emily knew she was crossing all lines. She was breaking all the no inter-profiling rules, she was exposing her boss's private life in front of the whole team, but she just couldn't make herself to stop. She wanted, needed to make that man understand that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he wasn't to blame alone, that he wasn't the damaged man his wife made him think. So she just kept going.

"That was probably when she started to resent you for each time you needed to live for work, each time your phone rang with a call. She'd be not subtly about how unhappy she was with these things and she'd make sure that you knew how wrong you were for leaving your family alone because of your job. I'm not saying that it was easy for her… I can't even begin to understand how hard it must've been to stay alone with a baby while worrying that you were across the country chasing a killer. She had her rights to be upset. But she didn't have the right of making you feel bad about doing your job." She said pointing a finger at him. "What, if you were a doctor and your pager kept beeping all the time with a call it would be okay because it's a 'more honorable job'? That's bullshit. Your job kept you busy, yes, it did. But I don't have a doubt that when you were at home you were one hundred percent there, focused on them, completely devoted and dedicated. I know how it is to live in a house where your parents didn't care anything but their job. My mother's work was at home most of the time, but I can bet my paycheck if you weren't a million times more dedicated to Jack than she was with me." She said and her voice cracked at the end, making her stop for a moment.

"I say that Haley was selfish because she made you believe that you were unfit as a husband and a father for being a good agent, for wanting to help people and making the world a better place. She was selfish because she got mad at the fact that instead of bringing glamour, money, fancy dinners and status, your job brought nightmares, scars and some lonely nights, and she didn't want to deal with that." She said. "And I say that she was stupid because she believed that she could really find another man who'd be just as dedicated to her, just as honorable, just as caring and who'd love her like you did. No one is perfect, everyone has their faults. Yours was not even a fault, but a problem with the hours your job required from you. God has her soul, but if she was still alive, she would've probably learned the hard way that relationships aren't easy these days. You just don't find a good man, who wants to have a family and to take care of you. Believe me, I'm almost thirty-eight years old and I've never found a truly good guy in my life. So yes, it infuriates me that a woman had found hers, one of the rare good ones, and had thrown him away, making him believe that he was the problem and damaged him, making him losing faith in himself. Today, if you'd find someone, I know that you'd probably be always looking for the wrong things that you'd do, waiting to be recriminated, waiting for the fights, the looks of disappointment. You hid behind this hard and stoic façade but the truth is that she made you lose the faith on yourself and for that she's the most stupid woman I've ever met." She finished, staring the stunned man in front of her.

The team watched the pair in silence, too shocked at the way things turned to. Hotch stared at Emily for a few moments before swallowing heavily and closing his eyes. "Wow…" He breathed, before looking at her again. "I really don't know what to say…" He whispered.

"You don't have to say anything. It's just my opinion…" She said with a shrug. "Just, don't fire me…" She joked and he chuckled at her, his eyes blinking quickly and for a second she thought that maybe he was fighting with tears but then shrugged off the thought.

"I won't fire you…" He said with a smiled and they shared a look that was too meaningful for Emily, the butterflies on her belly making her feel funny.

"How about we lighten up the air for a bit?" Garcia suggested, being the first to have the courage to break the dialogue between the two dark haired agents.

"We could play a game…" JJ suggested and team started to talk again but neither of them ignored the way the two agents were silently watching each other across the room. The topic was far from dropped.

 **A/N: I think I'm going to write another part, on Hotch's POV. I don't like when they don't end together, lol.**


End file.
